When Inclusion Comes with a Rulebook
Why 'Be Yourself' Only Applies to Some People
If society’s bullshit wasn’t enough for you on its own, let’s talk about how it doubles down on marginalized groups. Conformity doesn’t hit everyone the same way. If you’re Black, brown, queer, neurodivergent, poor, or carrying any identity that doesn’t scream “default setting,” you’re not just asked to conform—you’re demanded to do it. Twice the pressure, half the grace.
The Double Bind: Be Everything, But Be Invisible
When you exist at the intersection of multiple marginalized identities, the rules aren’t just harder—they’re rigged. You’re expected to play a game that wasn’t built for you, and then blamed when you don’t win. Here’s how the system stacks the deck:
You’re Expected to Assimilate:
If you’re a person of color, you’ve likely been told to tone down your culture to fit into predominantly white spaces. No loud hair, no “unprofessional” language, no expressing your anger. You’re expected to make everyone around you comfortable while suffocating yourself in the process.
If you’re queer, they want your identity to be palatable. “We love Pride Month! But maybe don’t talk about the rest of the year?”
You’re Denied Individuality:
Marginalized people are treated as monoliths. If you step outside their narrow, pre-approved idea of what your identity “should” look like, you’re met with resistance. Too Black, not Black enough. Too queer, not queer enough. It’s a never-ending cycle of judgment.
You’re Asked to Perform Emotional Labor:
You’re expected to educate others about your struggles while navigating the very systems oppressing you. It’s exhausting. How can you figure out who you are when you’re constantly explaining your humanity to others?
The Impact on Identity
The weight of these expectations doesn’t just shape how the world sees you—it distorts how you see yourself. You spend so much time adapting, code-switching, and walking on eggshells that you lose touch with who you are underneath it all.
Fragmented Identity: When you’re forced to be one person at work, another at home, and someone else entirely in social settings, it’s no wonder you feel disconnected. Who’s the real you?
Internalized Oppression: The constant pressure to conform can make you start questioning your worth. “Maybe I really am too much. Maybe I should just try harder to fit in.”
Burnout: The mental gymnastics of masking and navigating systemic oppression take a toll. It’s not just emotional—it’s physical. And it’s unsustainable.
What Inclusivity Actually Looks Like
Let’s be clear: inclusivity isn’t about giving marginalized people a seat at the table. It’s about building a new table. One where people don’t have to mute themselves to belong. Here’s what that could look like:
Flexibility Over Conformity:
Stop expecting people to fit into rigid boxes. A truly inclusive system adapts to the people it serves, not the other way around.
Diversity Without Tokenism:
Inclusion isn’t about checking boxes. It’s about amplifying diverse voices without asking them to dilute their authenticity.
Support Without Strings:
Don’t make inclusivity conditional. People shouldn’t have to prove their worth or over-perform to justify their presence.
The Freedom to Be Fully Seen
Here’s the thing: society says it loves diversity, but only when it’s convenient. Real inclusivity isn’t convenient—it’s uncomfortable. It forces us to confront the ways we’ve upheld systems of exclusion, even unintentionally. But that discomfort? That’s where growth happens.
When people are free to exist as their whole selves—messy, complex, and unapologetic—it doesn’t just change their lives. It changes the world. Because the more we make space for authenticity, the less room there is for bullshit.
The Role of Education: Conformity, Not Creativity
From the moment you walk into a classroom, the message is clear: Your job isn’t to think—it’s to comply. Sit still, be quiet, raise your hand if you want to speak. Don’t challenge the teacher. Don’t color outside the lines. And if you can’t follow these rules? You’re labeled a problem. Welcome to your first lesson in societal expectations.
What They’re Really Teaching
Obedience Over Curiosity:
You’re rewarded for following instructions, not for asking hard questions. The system doesn’t want thinkers—it wants doers. The kind of people who’ll clock in, shut up, and follow orders.
Curiosity is only encouraged when it fits their script. Ask “why” too many times and you’ll get labeled disruptive.
Uniformity Over Individuality:
Everyone is expected to learn the same way, at the same pace, in the same environment. If that doesn’t work for you, tough luck. Adjust or fail.
This approach doesn’t just ignore diversity—it actively punishes it. Neurodivergent kids, creative thinkers, and anyone who doesn’t fit the mold get left behind.
Punishment Over Adaptation:
Can’t sit still? Fidget too much? Talk out of turn? Instead of adapting the system to meet your needs, they punish you into submission. Detention, bad grades, constant reprimands—they make you feel like you are the problem.
The Masking Starts Here
School is where you learn to hide. It’s where you’re first taught that being yourself is dangerous. Maybe you were the kid who talked too much, or the one who couldn’t focus, or the one who asked “Why does it matter?” one too many times. And the system didn’t adjust to you—it crushed you until you adjusted to it.
How That Affects Identity
Early Conditioning: By the time you’re an adult, masking feels like second nature because you’ve been doing it your whole life. You don’t even realize you’re performing—it’s just how you survive.
Self-Doubt: If the system told you you were a problem, you internalize that. You start questioning your worth, your abilities, and your right to exist as you are.
Loss of Creativity: You stop taking risks, experimenting, or thinking outside the box because you’ve been trained to prioritize the “right” answer over your own ideas.
What’s the Endgame?
Let’s not pretend this is accidental. The education system was never designed to foster individuality—it was built to create obedient workers. Look at its history:
The Industrial Model: Schools were literally modeled after factories. Bell schedules, rows of desks, standardized tests—all designed to churn out workers who could function in assembly-line jobs.
Control, Not Growth: The goal wasn’t to help you become the best version of yourself—it was to make you productive, compliant, and easy to manage.
Rebuilding Education: What It Could Be
If education weren’t stuck in the 19th century, here’s what it might look like:
Self-Awareness as a Core Subject:
Teach kids to understand their emotions, their strengths, and their needs. Make “Who are you?” just as important as “What do you want to be when you grow up?”
Adaptability Over Standardization:
Scrap the one-size-fits-all approach. Let kids learn in ways that work for them—whether that’s hands-on, through discussion, or by exploring their interests.
Respect for Neurodiversity:
Stop treating neurodivergent kids like they’re broken. Build classrooms that embrace different ways of thinking and teach kids to celebrate their quirks, not hide them.
The Big Question: Whose Expectations Are You Living Up To?
Here’s where the rant comes full circle: education doesn’t just teach you how to function in the world—it teaches you whose expectations matter. And spoiler: it’s not yours. By the time you graduate, you’re so trained to meet their standards that you forget to ask yourself: What are my expectations for me?
Reclaiming Your Expectations
Start Questioning the Script: Are the goals you’re chasing really yours, or are they just what you’ve been told to want?
Redefine Success: Stop measuring yourself by their yardstick. Success doesn’t have to look like a degree, a 9-to-5, or a white-picket fence. It can look like whatever the hell you want it to.
Get Loud About What You Need: You don’t owe anyone quiet compliance. If the system isn’t working for you, demand better. And if they won’t listen? Build your own damn system.
The Takeaway
Education isn’t just a system—it’s a training ground for conformity. But just because you grew up in it doesn’t mean you have to stay stuck in it. Rip off the mask, unlearn the bullshit, and start asking: What do I want? What works for me? What’s my truth?
Because the best lesson you’ll ever learn didn’t come from a classroom—it came from finally letting yourself be exactly who you are.
You’ve spent your life walking a tightrope they built for you, balancing their expectations and wondering why the ground never feels steady. Ripping off the mask and torching their script sounds like freedom—and it is. But freedom doesn’t erase centuries of control. Because conformity didn’t just show up one day—it was engineered. Built piece by piece, not to help you thrive, but to keep you small, compliant, and controlled. The real question isn’t just how you reclaim yourself—it’s how we dismantle the entire damn system.
That’s another story. But it’s about time we told it.
Reclaiming Identity
The system doesn’t just steal your time and energy—it steals you. By the time you’ve jumped through all their hoops, you’re left asking, “Who even am I?” But here’s the truth: you don’t owe anyone an answer. You’re not here to fit their expectations or mold yourself into what they want. This isn’t about “finding yourself”—it’s about taking yourself back…